GROWTH: The final 2 months of an odyssey

Top of Mt Annapuri

“Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.” H.G. Wells

One more story left. I have travelled many miles and through many countries on this journey, but the past two months have by far and away been the hardest. Back in July I hoped that I would become wiser and learn more about myself as a result of my travels. Well I think I have. I know I have. Traveling on your own brings out the best and worst in you and makes you reflect on the important things in life. So perhaps this odyssey was never actually about CrossFit as I thought it would be at the beginning. I certainly have seen many boxes, learnt a lot about coaching, motivating and organising people, how to get people to move, and communicating effectively. And I’ve met some amazing people in the CrossFit community, but the odyssey was more than that. The odyssey of discovery was more about experiences and people. Discovering new places and friends. Trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. Discovering more about myself and what drives me, my values, passions, interests and goals for the future. Of knowing that often I am my own worst enemy. And, whilst I’ve hardly posted at all during this time, there is a reason for that. I’ll be honest and say that there are some things I simply cannot say on this blog. Those that know me well know the reason, and I’ll leave it at that. And thats saying more than I should. It’s been a time of personal reflection, trying to understand the past, but realising that it is simply time to move on. I have struggled for weeks as to whether I could tell this story, or even whether I should. But my blog following is not great, and as I’ve shared more than I should have on previous posts, it seemed not to matter all that much and a good way to get some closure. And so, I have one more story left in me and this will be the hardest of all to tell.

My final months. I said right at the start that along the way there would be hardships, notable experiences, moments to cherish, and hopefully new friendships. And there certainly have been. These last few months have taken me to some amazing places and given me some wonderful (and not so wonderful) experiences: New York, Washington DC, Quantico, London, Edinburgh, a stint in a campervan discovering my family roots in Clelland, Kilmacolm, Glasgow, Malaga, Granada, Barcelona, Tokyo and now here in Hokkaido, Japan. There have been an array of wonderful meals and time spent with friends, family, new couch-surfing mates and sharing brief and not so brief conversations with strangers. And, I have spent time learning and appreciating the history of these amazing places. I’ve been to World Heritage sights, I’ve done walking / food and cycling tours in some of these cities and they give you a unique insight. I’ve been to Central Park, Times square, 5th Ave, saw the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden. Rocked with Cold Play and JayZ in Brooklyn for New Years Eve. Saw the National monuments in DC. Went sightseeing in London and was treated to dinner at Hester Blumenthal’s Michelin starred ‘Dinner’ in London. Checked out my heritage in Scotland. Was amazed at the Alhambra in Granada and with Guadi’s feats of architecture in Barcelona. Saw FCB play in my first ever footy game, with Messi scoring 4 goals! The food has generally been out-standing. Japan has brought hot toilet seats with all sorts of functions you could never imagine, a people so polite and welcoming it’s almost disconcerting, and so much fresh powder I don’t know how I will ever be able to go back to boarding in NZ again!!! Along the way I’ve discovered some new (or just unheard of) musical talents of Rodriguez, Sugarland and Racheal ShemaniI and attended a ‘hootennanny’. Much of it has been surreal. All of it will be remembered fondly. There have been some firsts, some moments I would care not to remember and more hangovers and tears than I would have liked. These months have been the toughest part of my journey by far. So tough that ironically CrosssFit (the very reason for this odyssey) went by the wayside. I was carrying some injuries and lower back pain that a natural healer here in Japan puts down to poor ankle alignment, causing bad posture and tightness in all sorts of places, ultimatley causing the pain. And Paleo also went out the window unfortunately. So, what of the odyssey? If “CrossFit” which was meant to be the very reason for and the one constant on my journey, what did that mean for the odyssey?? Well, not having those two things in my life has been tough, and made me realise how much I have missed the CrossFit community back home. And the consequenses of a non-Paleo diet have not been good. But they are things can I can easily rediscover. The odyssey was a once in a life-time experience.

The Odyssey. The koru was always the symbol of this journey of mine. It was the gift from a special friend and symbolised growth and new beginnings. It also symbolised prosperity, strength, determination, good health and was meant to provide a safe journey over water. I’m back home very soon, and know it has kept me safe. And I know that I have learnt a great many things on this odyssey. The tattoo that I have of Huayna Potosi was a symbol for the hardships and highlights of being on the road; the ups and downs, both physical and emotional. For summits yet to climb and struggles yet to endure. I’ve learnt more than I would care about my strengths and weaknesses. About human nature. About people. And most importantly, that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And because of that, I cannot physically keep the koru, but it will stay with me forever in my tattoo, to remind me of the strength that I have inside me from this journey, and the need to start afresh when I set foot back in New Zealand. I had hoped to return to New Zealand with a sense of wisdom, knowing exactly what to do with the rest of my life. Well that may not exactly be the case because I suspect it will take me quite some time to uncover the real lessons from this odyssey. But, if there is one thing that I know for sure, it is that I remain undefeated, much like the theme of the poem ‘Invictus’ that I have written about before. I am reminded once again of the final two lines from the poem: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” The only person that I can really trust is myself. And the only one responsible for my happiness is me.

“Every beginning comes from some other beginnings end.”

Thank-yous and New Beginnings. I’ve been extremely lucky along my journey to have met some amazing and inspirational people, to have shared in some very generous hospitality, and to have had some amazing support from afar. I lost my mojo there for a while and and a handful of friends (some of whom I wouldn’t have expected) have encouraged, provided advice, moral support and just listened to me along the way. Thank you (you know who you are). I’ve shared probably more than I should have in this blog, but all of it has been true (or at least my version of it). And for me it has been a real learning experience. Mostly it’s been about understanding myself and learning from my experiences. Shock horror. What I will do with all of my new found insights into CrossFit? I have no idea. I just know that after a well needed break of a couple of months to rest and heal both physically and emotionally, I still love it. I’m just not sure yet what part it will play in my future. Perhaps it was always going to end this way. That I needed to experience what I did so that I can come back to a new beginning. And when I return to New Zealand I have a new journey waiting for me. I will be embarking on the MBA at Victoria University after all. And after that, who knows?

And quite by chance and perhaps a timely reminder (as I already have a tattoo meaning much the same thing), that when I was about to post this blog I was sent this quote by a friend:

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha